Comfort Zones and Convenience Traps

In my note on 29th June 2025, I have delved upon my inertia to write - and managed to express my difficulty into getting at purposeful writing. I have read about similar struggles from a fraternity - and was inspired by a challege one writer gave unto herself - to write 1000 words a day for 30 days at a stetch. At the outset it looks very daunting to me to attempt it - as I have attempted many such challenges on exotic topics to cultivate a discipline - Yoga, Jogs, reading a few pages a day - to name a few. While some started with gusto, they all ended as  "radio-silence from space !" Well - I tried. I will try again with this attempt. 

The title of this blogpost occurred to me at bedtime. It would have evaporated by dawn - so I made note of that so it could linger. 

Comfort Zones - are blindspots we slide into involuntarily. These are zones which give us an illlusion that we are having the best of times and that it is due to the best of our efforts. This illusion & comfort eclipses us from the outside world - and makes us impervious to diversity and variety that life offers by default. Comfort is what humans crave for, in return for hardwork. But the paradox is - the snugness of comfort  numbs our instincts - more quickly than we can take notice of. That inturn - limits one's abilities to respond to any anomaly in our sorroundings. It is only by a rude-shock that rids this slumber. It is not necessary that one should experinece such jerks - to lead a life of purpose. Having said - comfort zones are not areas of taboo. It is state-of-mind that we refuse to come out of. While there is no one-method that works for all to handle this scenario - a mere awareness of the need for change & some inspiration will go a long way to accepting variety - will go a long way to find one's own. 

I have not met with great success with change. The most difficult part for me was a limitng thought - that I did my best & the best should happen to me. But the point to ponder was - what if my best isn't good enough ? This opened up new vistas for me to think options and a wider horizon to explore. This exploration was sure more exciting than the zone I was locked-up in. I never regretted ever!   

Convenience Traps - Technology us helping humanity make great progress. While it has made many difficult things easier - in the guise of convenience, quite a bit of "mundaneness" has been removed from our daily lives. The mundaneness of going to store to pickup groceries, of watching a play in a theatre, of giving rides to friends etc. There is a "convenience" that we have been bought into in exchange of this mundane acts. They have been made to look as 'ineffective use of time". Many a time, there is also a "conveniece fee" that we end up paying for getting these done faster. While it is judicious to use tools of technology for sake of conveneince for difficult things - if the same robs the experience of doing things which are otherwise therapeutic - I would reckon, we all fall into a convenience trap. 

Just as I delved upon Comfort Zones, Options of Convenience when exercised for activities that can heal the mind & body - could possibly give us a more hands-on living !!! 

I could have given better examples for these 2 aspects I delved on. But I am confident discerning readers can understand the subtle. 

--

AK

Instinctive Writing Vs Planned writing

The inertia to write has been herculean oflate. There is a lot of writing I do instinctively - taking a que from any topic I find resonance with - with friends - on whatsapp. It begins with writing long messages and notes to a few people - my mentor and my elder daughter Meghana and my classmates from college.  The messages are often long, in topics related to self-help, spirituality, wellness & care, an update on happenings of the times. These topics have a lot of flow, context, continuity and above all freshness. 

I also end up having long conversations the previous night, but the written notes to them do not find any connection to the topics discussed over a call. I never quite reflected on this deeply - but I have realized unless I find a sense of unbriddled self-expression withour fear of being judged, the thoughts do not flow freely. 

A lot of my long writing has also been on instinctive impulse - a response to a scenario or a qustion or a telling experience that I want to share. I am struggling with an inertia / block for planned writing. Thoughts on topics flow very well when in isolation or solitude or when I am in an allied context. But when it comes to writing them down to elaborate - content became a casualty of time & timing. 

I have tried my hand at writing with some blogs, which came in spurts - a few years ago. It gave me the confidence that I can write well. But I did not / could not continue. My writing did not have structure. Again because, these writings have been instinctive & impulsive - arising out of a need for identity and recognition - but not with a aim to create literary content or achieving a professional goal. 

Writing has to be driven by purpose - not for someone to know what we know - but for one's own unfolding. Expression of thoughts is the only proof of an "Ability to think". Thinking gets its manifestation in finding form - in words and sentences. A written word lasts longer than a spoken word - though in today's world - a spoken word too can be stored in the same 0 s & 1 s eventually (sic). But there is no better "earthing" to thoughts than "writing".  

So this blog is a promise to myself to graduate from "Instinct to Intent". 

It is difficult to train old-geysers (like me) with new habits - to convert Solitude to Substance. Let me revisit this more frequently. 

My gratitude to all - who have endured my sporadic verbal Diarrhea !!

-

AK 

The Dream

This is an attempt to share an intriguing / profound experience of mine. For the loss of empathy that I had for this experience with many around me and inhibition to share a personal experience, I have refrained from talking to even close friends. I shared this as an email with a group that I acquainted in the same place where I had this experience, but I did not get any response. Looks like I took too much for given that they would spare time for this. However, I did not want this experience to be undocumented. May be I will find some who will relate to this. So I will publish this as my second soliloquy.  So here it goes! This took place sometime in January 2015.

For the last few weeks, I have been visiting the Shiridi Sai Baba temple every day. With the priest being a relative and friend – it is an added motivation, I spend almost 5 to 6 hours in the temple. I do some work with him, attend my calls and I do most of my timely anushtaanams and some Rudram lessons there itself.

This has been my routine. I have a reasonable traction on my rudram lessons and I will be commencing Mahanyaasam tomorrow. I learnt the Aartis too here. Many of these aspects which I wanted to learn for the last 20 years, got accomplished here in the last 20 days.

Earlier this week, one night I had a dream. It is as follows: There were some chores being done in the temple of which I was a part of. The temple, as you all know, has the Baba Idol on a large white marble podium.

It so happened that, there was some oil spill near the podium and I walked towards the podium near the oil spill which was spread across a 2 by 4 feet space. I heard a faint voice admonishing me about the same and the imminent danger. I however went ahead. I slid and fell so bad that I hurt my head with a thunderous hit, twice as I slid and could not control the slide. The hit was so hard that, that it blinded me for 2 minutes and created such a sonorous tinnitus (a ringing or similar sensation of sound in the ears) sound in my ear that it was my worst ever, most amplitudinous noise I ever experienced in my ear (ever since I was diagnosed of this 4 years ago). I could not open my eyes as I felt the vibration in my skull due the hit coupled with the reverberation of the noise that it hence created.

While I am explaining this (to you) as an incident in the dream...... the above... I have experienced it on my body as I was laying on the bed.

I was desperately - in dream and as well as in my waking state in the middle of the night - trying to open my eyes and see at least the idol , in front of which I was , but could not see anything... I believe I managed to open the eyes (both in the dream and waking state) and I could see a faint reflection of yellow light (emanated by the foot lamp) on the wall after some time... and that was then I came to realize I had a dream.

I felt the head hitting the podium .. twice, .... sightlessness for 20 minutes soon after the experience of the hit and I felt the slide and I experienced the sonorous reverberation in the ear , the noise at its shrillest peak, for 3 hours and for 10 more hours all day along in a lesser degree.. with a head ache too.

I cannot refute or deny myself the feeling of the hard hit on my skull, the physicality of the contractions on my head, the reverberation of the hit I felt on the head, the noise in ear for 10 hours and the vibration that the noise created on my head / skull and the after effect it had on me for the next 12 hours. I simply cannot deny, refute or forget the physicality of the entire experience for whatever the duration of the dream – and with the aftermath of it lasting for 12 hours.

I also remember that in my dream state, I was wanting to seek help and call 911.. which I did not. I lay on the bed for 2 hours, afraid to get down, even to reach out to the water bottle fearing I will stumble.

It took 2 hours to gather myself in the middle of the night....

I had an inexplicable feeling. I was doing the Sai Satcharitra too all these days and was consciously reading all the experiences documented in the book. I somehow felt, I had a divine opportunity to be around in the temple for a long time but never closer to him. So near yet so far....I had my head hit HIS pedestal but I did not get even a faint glimpse of it... I felt and still feel crest fallen about the fact that I did not get that vision, regardless of the fact that I keep seeing HIM daily.

I narrated this incident to Chaitanya Sarma. He is a good priest trained from the order of Sringeri. Known to my family. So we began to vibe well and he teaches me Rudram.

He informed me of the teaching / learning he received from his Guru s - that some of the praarabdhams of ours, which we ought to pay for, we live them out in thedream state as well and this could be one of it. And also possibly be an indication of some danger one might have averted or paid for.

May be he is right and I wish he is. But I do not know what to infer for myself. Normally we forget the dreams as they came. Dreams do not last for more than a minute but make you feel that they last for hours. In this situation, I remember every moment of it even today, 4 to 5 days after it occurred.

I do not know if I am living a hangover of an unfulfilled desire. May be I am. May be I am living out my past far too much and not letting go. There will be for men, many internal conversations of many things to be done and realized for – which many a time take away the consciousness of the present. I do not know nor do I want to conclude.

So to sum it up. I have my interpretations from my experience…a life that we lead which is still incomplete, and a subconscious unwillingness to surrender.

Finally - I do not know what to learn or infer from the dream. From a spiritual standpoint - in as much as I can apply some pragmatism to it... - I think I am not my own man still, I do not know if I will ever be.

In the presence of Baba, I derive some kind of audacity about myself that to let things happen – and take things as they come –with a willing acceptance – not fatalistic but based on awareness.

I think , I will and should - continue on my pursuits - of all kinds.... and leave it all to GOD's good humor... and only wish to GOD that the conviction stays intact...

It has not been a bed of roses...and it has not been a way full of thorns either. This experience instills a lot of more faith in HIM --- which reflects in myself possibly. I realize I am not attribute-less still.. not the Nirgun that I aspire to BE...

I think, in the end, it is OK and worth it to burn in hell as long as all else is taken care of - After all everyone you love and care for are healthy and happy and I have no complaints.

I conclude by borrowing a line from the divine work of Shri Hemadpant -- Bow to Shri Sai.. Peace be to all!!

Sairam!

Staying Relevant !!

Most often we find ourselves in a predicament whether we are doing the right things, are we at the right place, are we doing what we like, are we doing what we want - fatigued very much by the boredom / monotony / purposelessness that our context brings in us, involuntarily - forgetting that there is also a possibility of "liking whatever we do".  The point that I always ponder is - am I liking what I do, have I got what I want, do I know what I want, why I do what I do, is this the real I, that I want to be.  

Much of a man's identify in the outside world is attributed to his pursuit. The pristineness of this pursuit is bejewelled with passion, conviction, self belief, a quest and desire for excellence and much deeper obsession to realize and become THAT. The journey leads to such transformations that the many a time one loses his own identity and gets to reckon that, all he has is what he is running after. This does not mean that he is lost. It means that he possibly lost cognizance of the world around him - for it has changed. He does not know that he too has transformed - for the world has been his own reflection. It is just that, for a brief period of time, he has been led to believe that he does not belong - that he does not reflect the world in him, that he is not relevant. 

It is here that I was reflecting the context of relevance, as we traverse from one realm to another. I think our relevance is proportional to the inertia of  a thought-process or thinking. Seeking a no-thought realm would be the ultimate asking though!!!. It is this inertia that does not allow one to let go and in turn not align as quickly as one is expected to. At times I think, thoughts are like children, so dear that we keep & cling to and..so difficult to let go..for someday one has to ...and it will be so difficult.  It will be for us to live thru the thoughts and let the world around us to tell us how relevant they (we) were and let posterity decide if we left a footprint worth treading.  

I reminisce that it has not been a bed of roses. I would like to believe that it has dawned on me that, life will never be one. One tends to lose the pleasure of the roses counting the thorns picked on the way up to it... isn't it? I got lost in that and missed the pleasure of the most important existential reality - my awareness and my consciousness - that I endured and that I have in it to endure and I will have to continue to. It makes me reminisice a conversation posted by the legendary Amitabh Bachchcan that he once had with his iconic father Sri Harvanshrai Bachchan - when Amitabh asked him in frustration - why does one have to struggle this much in life at all ?? - for which the great poet's succinct reply was - "beta jeevan hi sangharsh hai". - It is not separate from life, it is.... so lets embrace it. 

As I swing from irony to equanimity from time to time, I look back the last few years of God's good humor - of the precipitous falls and rises, of missed opportunities and divine graces, of mistakes and second chances, of lost identities and new forms, of cracked bridges and mending fences, of learning to give what you want to receive, the sound of the unspoken and the sight of the hidden, of a continued difficulty to communicate discomfort, and the largess of HIS messengers at the times it needed. 

Staying relevant, is to stay where life is - staying agile to the environment we make a living out of. If the evolution were to be natural, transformation would be seamless like seasons of the year and relevance would be a natural consequence. Agility lies in the fact that we realize the pace at which world around us changes as long as our survival and existence depends upon it. This also must give us new perspectives with which we look at our pursuits - a new horizon from the perch we climbed on to.